As a psychic, some of the most common questions I get are:
- When will I meet someone?
- Will I ever get married?
- Will I find my true love?
Yes, yes, and yes, maybe you're just going about it the hard way.
How I Met My Husband
When I met my husband, I wasn't in the market for anyone. I wasn't on dating apps. I wasn't asking my friends to set me up on blind dates. I wasn't going to bars on the weekends. It wasn't even on my radar. Instead, I was working on getting to know myself better.
I first met my husband at a single-day retreat, where he was the very handsome, solid, and stable assistant helping people get in and out of the river safely. The retreat was an ancestral river cleanse; I looked to release, not gain anything.
I was looking like a mess that day, no makeup, messy bun hairstyle and ball cap, not even matching clothes; I was the walking definition of a hot mess. I focused on what I had gone there to do, shadow work in the ancestral realms. I was not checking out anyone but me. Of course, I noticed his good looks, mesmerizing voice, and dazzling smile, but I didn't think he would ever be interested in me, so the thought didn't even cross my mind.
I saw him at another spiritual event the next week, a gong meditation. Again, he caught my eye and flashed me a warm smile, but he was assisting, so I assumed being friendly was just part of his job, so I didn't overthink it and went into the meditation.
Again, the following week, I saw him at another meditation event. He finally came up to me, introduced himself properly, and said, "We seem to keep running into each other. Maybe we should get to know each other better." So we became Facebook friends, and he asked me out to dinner. Our first date was around hours long, talking, laughing, and getting to know each other. Obviously, it went well.
I wasn't seeking anyone but the highest and best version of myself. I went to classes, meditations, and workshops, taking a deep dive to get to know myself better. The perfect partner manifested and was placed in my path in the process.
The less I looked, the more apparent the path to the right one was. The less desperate I felt to find someone, the less pressure I felt in finding it.
Admittedly, at first, I had to work through was not putting my partner on a pedestal. I had to realize that I had manifested an incredible partner who was at my energetic level. I had done my work, raising my energetic level, to manifest a partner who I deserved. So as extraordinary as I thought he was (and still do!), I have done my work to co-create this great relationship.
Do you need to "work on yourself" before getting into a relationship?
No, I don't think it is necessary to work on yourself before getting into a relationship. In most relationships, you won't know the timeline ahead of time, so the idea of working on yourself to find a relationship seems contrived.
We should always strive to be working on ourselves for our own sake, not for the direct benefit of anyone else. Still, it certainly can help shift your mindset and awareness about what you genuinely desire in a relationship.
What does that "work" entail?
This work entails unpacking and understanding our thoughts, feelings, desires, behaviors, and emotions in interpersonal relationships. This personal work is sometimes called "shadow work." This work allows for awareness and release in several ways, including journalling, conscious movement, and experiencing repressed emotions. Each person's shadow work is unique, allowing them to work through and process their previous actions and behaviors.
Is it useful for being in relationships?
Understanding ourselves better can help us treat our relationships with more love, respect, and appreciation. When you can identify a trigger and learn to work with it, you are less likely to lash out at an unsuspecting partner who may unintentionally upset you. Likewise, when we are more patient, kind, and understanding, it is easier to display those qualities for others.
What do we learn about ourselves when single?
When we are single, we learn what we want and desire outside of other people. There is no one to argue with over what cuisine to eat for dinner; you eat what you want. There is no discussion over what to watch on television; you turn on what you want.
Being single affords us a level of independence that we may not otherwise know. It teaches us how to do things we may have previously relied on others for. It teaches us that we are more capable than we ever thought possible.
How can feeling complete with yourself benefit you once you're in a relationship (or not?)
First, recognize that you are an entire person without needing anyone else to make you whole. When we use terms like "other half," this alludes to the idea that you need another person to complete you or make you feel whole. When you realize that you're perfect, whole and complete by yourself, you know that your mate doesn't complete you; they help you experience the best version of yourself.
Where does a person begin on this journey?
Everyone begins at their own rate and level of awareness. Everyone deserves to be loved and is worthy of love; that is our birthright as humans. Sometimes we forget these things along the way, but the process of illuminating our shadow, stripping away the things that cast fear and doubt on us, helps us to remember our truth. Even if you don't feel worthy of love from yourself, or others, the perfect time to begin working on that is now.
Arielle is a best-selling author, holistic life coach and intuitive energy healer.